Dont Share

2012-01-29T14:37:00.000+08:00

Because im not that strong this time around. Im not prepared to face anything. I cant explain the feeling im feeling. its just to complicated. i can keep on lying to myself. but the truth is just there. How much long can i survived this. because i want to watch the sunshine.

i wont go another day feeling shitty. haiss :(

2012-01-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

USS was tremendously great . It was repleted with excitement and awesome ride. I took all the rides. And indeed it was a great belated present from sis :> after all those ride, everyone was voracious and grab a bite asap. the food there was ... expensive. but it taste reall good :>

bum onto yan.

it trigger my heart. i felt as though as im gonna fall down from the tall heights. i smell the fear.

it was FUN! retook some of the rides over again. splendid sunday with the awesome sisters :>

2012-01-14T23:42:00.003+08:00

happy sad day.

start of the day by going for an xtray. yes my backbone is not straight or normal like you all. :( im excuse from doing any sort of sports :( and i have to head down to tantockseng hospital for my appointment with a specialist. i look at the xtray result. its freaking scary. really :'(

headed to school right after im done with the hospital etc..

after meet the parent session. head home. changed, and when to ngaji and then... zoom to meet nadia :)

we plan to go expo. but then...

we went to bugis - raffles city , marina , city link ,suntec n esplanade.

i was ineed of break n a laughing pills .. im too freak out with whats going on around me. :/

what to do..

2012-01-08T13:03:00.001+08:00

guess whos the oldest here :>

my fav junior. shes very pretty :>

~___~

overall. the best band member to have in mind.

trombonist n trumpeters

shes the korean girl. so pretty !

kpopper crazzi

hehehe. ohh, thats my trombone btw.


the awesome minyakkapazxcv.

Bartley Open house. its my last year anyway. HAHAHHAHA :>

well, shikin, ikah and me are very excited for the plan we made 7 years to come. all of us gonna work hard for our Olevels. and go to good poly, get a good job. parttime degree .. we gonna do it togthr. yes togthr. its nvr been hard. all we need is to hold each other n run towards our dream. never letting go of one another.

heh. yesterday, the three of us made our confessions. i swear its a joke to laugh about. hah.

bye:)

ps- cant wait to go USS this 22nd of Jan :>

2012-01-06T23:52:00.001+08:00

Im not sure if this is the best for me. I shall keep praying to Allah to show me the right path. May Allah always be with me tru out the hardship.

1 year seems to be a very magical moment with him. but i guess 2012, its pretty much of reality slap. goodbye.

2012-01-01T01:35:00.000+08:00

SEC 5 LIFE ~_______~ . happy one year dear. you been the best i ever had. the best i ever wish . the best among my 16 years of story. the best soul to enter my heart. the one that finally my mum know about ;> hehehe. saranghae. loving you in every bits of our problem n all agenda..
its time you take ur bike out for a ride. whatever past u had wit it, just put it aside. 2012, its all about you n me.

hmm. back to my life, minus him off. my back is fckng painfull. blueblack on my left side of my back. i cant turn myself when im sleeping. sigh. sleep like a log lor. :/ -.- things been rather shitty 2011. but fug it laaaa.

2012 *smellsmell* hope its full of love n more love. it can be ani kind of love. family, friends, idols. as expected, a new famili member about to be coming.. love from them.. etc. and hopefully infinite will be coming to singapore. because i would go n meet them. forget about simple plan. sis didnt want to go -.- haha. coz she hav to pay for my uss as nlevel present. heheheh. goyang babat

i hope 2012, my friendship wit ika n shikin will be getting awesum. all the cranky stuff we did whenever we go out. all those '' you better stdy'' days n forcing each other to be okay n happy... i really hope 2012 will be better. n since its our last year in bartley. why dont we go crazy n study sampai mampos. there time for everything. maybe we can go watch beast concert or infinite togthr. heh. loving u both wit all my hearts n socks. heh. may Allah bless we 3 ;)

2011-12-29T14:06:00.001+08:00

go watch heartstrings.

i cried bucket n buckets of tears.

kuzzen ask me to watch it during my nlevel period.

i tried to find at youtube, but no hab. so research it. and in one episode have 6 parts. n total hav 15 episode. i took 2 days straight to watch.

didnt even study. yeaaa. people at home was mad wit me. coz i sleep at 4? LOOOOLL

pyyong. wanna rrest awhile.

2011-12-26T03:27:00.001+08:00

tingal kenangan. tingal cerita.

khabar didengar oleh rakan/musuh.

rindu terbuku di dalam sanubari.

entah bila, sekian lama sudah di tanam.

lidah sudah kering, keluh.

perpatah tidak sampai didengari.

hanya terucap di mulut lain.

doa di sampaikan, dengan hati penuh nestapa.

agar masing2 sihat sejahtera.

semoga tahun akan datang.

di sambut dgn senyuman antara sesama.

*fug why does it sound so cacat cicak*

2011-12-26T03:02:00.001+08:00

worst case scenario :(
Having the thoughts that im gonna be missing all my friends. some going ite, poly, jc. having them going out to their respective life make me worry about mine. im always dependent on them. they are like my own sisters. they help me allot in my Nlevel fever. n seing them going to their next stage of life, i wonder will they spend time studying with me and going out wit me :/ yes, my no. of closed friends are lesser then my 10 fingers. despite all the losing of friends and stuff, i dont bother to find anymore new friends. Im glad that Allah have send me my workmates which are going to sec5. i hope i can go study wit them everyweekend. maybe, insyaallah.

Being lied most of the time. Maybe i dont call it a lie. but a cover up. even if it was me, im not gonna tell to my own friend im going out with my bf or whoever. Being used up , yeah sometimes, people use others in their own life. oh well, this is life. plastic as it can be. plastic bag.

2012 resolution .. much more of note to self. i post it more on my twitter. oh never mine, im gonna share it here.
Stop caring about others. Start ignoring people who dont deserve attention. Stop being nice to people who just wanna fck my life. Start appreciate life . Stop loving people who hates me. Start taking revenge , hahah no la. Start saving money for my awesome baby bike DUCATI , or just use the bike thats already standby for me -.-. Start saving for Korea trip. Start saving money for life. Start doing something usefull. Start fulfill ur own heart dream. Start involving myself in religious class, since i graduated already :). Start acepting a new member in the family ( oh i fugging hate this ).

Im trying to console myself in the middle of the morning-night. Im trying to taste the last bits of my freedom before the havoc of Olevel. shits, i hate it. i wanna go higher nitec. really! but too bad, i had no choice. even if were to step my feet into Ite, i will be treated like a prisoner . haisss :(

I miss my bestfriend so much. I dont know, but bestfriend i miss you so much. Did u know, ur the onli one who im close wit at times? sooner or later, u will be gone. u gonna have those friends u wanted there. u gonna forget me , right? coz all these time, im the one whos doing the msg, asking u out etc. sometimes i really do feel im a burden to u. :( i knew it. i can see it :/ sometimes.... i felt u are ashame of having me as ur friend. sad ...

you know its freaking suck to be the one whos doing all the conversation. asking 'are u okkay'. etc etc. cheering people up. and realizing that no one does that towards u .. and the only one u had is Allah. crying n begging for a better life in every prayer is the last resort u hav. those moment when ur tears just keep flowing coz u felt u are too fat to fit in to the society. those time, when u go out with ur friend. n u felt super ugly and u 'friends' ask u about the pretty girls u were with , n having those thought, of u being the horrible ugly fat person on earth. do you know its suck to have it. but at the same time that person is ur own bestfriend. you cant run away, neither u can ignore the depress or hated towards ur uglyness...

it sucks when you have to be the one. be that one. be this one. be that soul who care for others, who doesnt bare to see other hurts. but yet, nothing goes in return. there this song written by imran ajmain " yang tulus ihklas ingin sekali-sekala dirinya balas. walau hanya dengan dakapan di angin lalu "

I have nothing else . empty heart mind. this is the night, where everything felt ugly. useless. maybe i am. maybe i just have to go . maybe living was just an option. maybe i should safe someones life. maybe i should be kill. maybe i should just go. running away from everyone.

2011-12-22T23:15:00.000+08:00

INFINITE! saranghae. please come to singapore again! we know u are busy in Japan.But please rmbr ur fans here in singapore. We definitely want to spend time with you all. fan meet , concert ertc..!:(

things been abit busy. catching up with love ones.

resolution for 2012?

i will tell u soon.

2011-12-20T19:30:00.001+08:00

Scared./Nervous/Sleepy face.

Happy / speechless face. ;>

12 points baby! FUYOOOHHH! unexpected. because i wanted 16. Aim for 13. but allhamdullilah, titik peluh ahkirnya berbaloi. was worth the hard pain/ effort/ sleepless night / studying

English - 4

Math - 2

combine Science - 2

combine Humans - 3

Desgn n Tech - 3

Malay - 1

oral - distinction

EMB3 - 12

Im more glad/ happy for my other friends, my bestteeed friend Afiqah who score the same point as me. And shikin who hav no confident in going to sec 5 but make it tru . daebak! lovving u unnies ;)

Ika texted me saying that she still cant belive we both share the same points. cant believe that we are going sec 5. me, her n shikin. ALL our hardwork like staying back togther, helping one another, forcing each other to study was worth it.

I still rmbr me n ikah tried to give shikin some math question to be done, to gain her confidence in it. ahhaa! eating secretly in the libry without getting caught. travelling from AMK to Hg to meet ika to study. going airport to study. Spend most of the time studying at Mac with/without izam . it was worth it.

2012 resolution?

simple.

get to poly. get my dream all gear up.

take the course i wanted. be a somebody with it.

And a big thank you to Farhan ;) thanks thanks thanks.! WAKAKAK!

next year, im gonna see your face much more often. extra tuition -.- nevermind. i shall bear all the pain. coz i know it will come good in the end. i wont let this puzzle undone. gonna fight till it ends.! i didnt text him abt my result. hahah! instead i force dad to text him instead. bcoz idk what to say! LOL!

goodbye kickboxing :( i dont think i have time for u next year.

but im gonna rmbr all the pain,bruises, sweat i went tru.

xoxo

2011-12-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

FROM HONGKONG DISNEY LAND

bought at LOMOGRAPHY ,hongkong.

this shop will be open in Singapore soon! YEAAAAHHHHHH!

just a fast update. okkay bye ;P

2011-12-16T18:47:00.001+08:00

welcome back Adilah. your holiday sucks allot that ur end up sick right now.! :(

well its been a scary since result is 2 days away. im just this sick, this scared. idontknow...

but guess what, my neck hurts allot. rmbr the incident where the ball hit my neck ? well i didnt go for checkup for soolong. i guess my neck swollen got worse. its kinda painfull :( im soo lazy to go for extray agaaain n agaaainnn ! jajajajajajajaja!

next time i be my own savior. standing on my two feet.

things are getting tough for me. dont talk about Love, dont talk about commitment. lets just stfu and continue living without another gender being precious to our heart. will that do it?

2011-12-13T00:31:00.000+08:00

special day spend with special bestfriends. I love them allllooots. And yes our 2nd awesome trip to ice skating. LOL i swear to you, i never stop screaming. while shikin having awkward moment falling. for ika, shes either infront or behind us. skating by herself. oh standard laaah unnie ikkah kite :P

my leg having 3 big painfull cuts and one deep cut. idk how i got the cut -.- suprisingly i didnt fall.

3 of us dont really hav a hard time skating. i used to roller blade . so its about adapting only! HAHHAHA. bobual confident nmpk! LOL heheheh.

Nlevel result in one week time. im going for a short vacation, KL and INDONESIAAA! :) balik boyan oh wooo oh balik boyan! HEHEHEEHEHEH! sadly my camera , dslr , digi cam taken by sis to Hongkong -....-''''''

Alright, i wanna continue watching variety shows!

rmbr hunny, its not the number of friends u have in facebook. is who will be there tru ur dark hour and happy moment. im still in search of finding a true friend. well, i have some good one, n im gratefull for that.

by the way, yes im a muslim. but i think that doesnt stop me from wishing others mery christmas right? i dont celebrate it with them, its just that some of my friend/workmate gave me present. and i just grab for them some stuff n give it in return, like a belated present. niat mesti jage :) its like in school, giving oranges durng cny. something like that?

Cant wait for USS, TRISTON PARK,GENTING HIGHLAND.

i really loove riding bikes. hah lol! sis bike gonna be handed to me. lagi dua tahun. semua da ready. pipe da tukar, etcetc daa tukar pon. helmet ade berlambak. ahahahah! LOL.

hope to take license with ikah n shikin togther. confirm cute/kekek. mcm how we play ice skating.

KONONNYEER nak bawak date masing2 n play ice skating, feeling2 mcm kat dlm criter winter sonata. haprak laaa! mus wait da jadi pro baru boleh. date pon kene pandai skate, kalau tk pandai skate, pon boleh laah. i saw a couple skating. the male didnt know how to skate, the girl so cute teaching him. penyabar sungguh! HEHHEHHEHEHEEHH!

oh and i just hold on to any random person infront of me, coz loose balance skjap. ahahha sempat buat kawan LOLOLOLO!!

okkay laa, nak continue watching . side track pulakkk!

taking care.

saranghaeDila

2011-12-12T00:56:00.001+08:00

current situation- stomach ache :(

been skipping meals, doing pracs, cardio, kickboxing and weights. 'jage badan' naaah! saje2 jee, been doing for almost 2 month plus :)

today, spend time with elder bro outside. happly shopping sana sini. Bumb onto AJAAZ TAUFIQUE! soo longg tak jumpe! miss him sooooo much! da mcm abng sapau pau makan pau! :P really miss him. his malay pon da mcm kekok gitu! hehehe. meetup properly pls :>

tmrw is my official last day in singapore. leaving soon. dont think i be back on result day;.. aiyooh 16 or 19 ni. :(

spending my last few hour with pey-uh n tom. :) oh and not to forget my New Years Eve with Ban:> tengok wayaaang tayaang ?!~ hahahahahhaha. sial jeee. ezzaty texted me, wanting to meet up wiith the others. anything goes, before school reopen for most. for some, da full time adidas siaaa! jealous siol. i pakai baju putih staff, krong pakai baju hitam punyaa! :((( HAHAHAHHAHA ... tetap linda, rebbecca n peh sian korng nyer ic! MUAHAHAHAH:P

this new year eve, i hope i made my correct choice to spend with ban n not my bestfriends who busy shopping with bf right now. new years eve pon nak buat ape kan. nak gi makan , tu je yng penting. oh n i wanna watch bunga api wit someone special! ahahhaah , chey no laaa. :P

to K__.

you bring me to cloud nine all the time, but once a while , or most of the time.. u drag me down to earth. now on earth, u let go of me. im lost, ur no where to be found. lets work things out. bring ourselves to cloud nine. where everything is as fairytale. minus our daily routine n stuff. where is u n me, destiny there ! boleh?

been reading/borrowing books. all about love, all the scene taken during the period of christmas coming.. haisss.

okkay bbye., watching my fav INFINITE shows :)

ps- dont keep hating, start loving. because when u keep on loving, life is worth keeping. xoxo

saranghaedila

2011-12-09T12:43:00.001+08:00

look up ^. im choosen . my 'letter' is choosen to be given to INFINITE!! fuuuhhhhhyoh! rrmbr i post something about writting to my korean idol. this is one of the chances. im glad that the manager will translate whatever written into korean words, in order for them to read! thank you!

kitty kitty meowmeow

waiting for result in this scary situation that i can even choke on my own saliva! ahhahaha. LOLOLOOLLL

im baking some cakes today... i really want to make like double triple chocs cake. :P hahahahahah! okkay lol

monday going ice skating with minyakkapazxcv and afiqah. yeaah! goyang babat. finding chrismas present for gen. meeting up with ashraf n gen before my result.

ya Allah, aku ingin masuk sec 5. amin :/

2011-12-08T01:40:00.001+08:00

time check . 1.37 and im wide wake. tmrw plan is basiclly go grab some stuff at sale. and prolly head home. coz im going out this weekend. packed with plan. need to get christmas present for some. :) really donno what to buy. and since right now they having sales hear n there, i wanna pampered myself with presents too. 'nakk jugak'

currently tweeting about my beloved hoya , dongwoo :) hehehe infinite inspirit. hwaiting. fighting. i really want to send my idol postcard, i know it impossible, but :(. okkay how about them sending to their fans instead? waiting for the concert in singapore. pali pali babys! xoxo!

you know, the best friendship is when u can talk back about it, rembr all the bits of it. laugh at it without getting bored. or keep repeating it. the memories with ur best buddies is worth crying while laughing. - current situation with ikah. joke of the midnight yaaaw :P its suppa funny to think about all the fun we had. upsize the fun, double the laughter. k mepek D

alright.. i wanna rest now. do takecare, stay away from drugs. gonna have another blog, just for kpop.

xoxo

2011-12-06T21:03:00.001+08:00

Mum i hope u have fun shopping today! sorry i cant blanje you more. my pay da sikit :( im saving for concert too ! insyaAllah, when i complete my education, get a good job , i blanje you more.

but i want to take degree like sis. so i hope you be a lil patience.

Oh and mum, im not with Ban.-.-'

2011-12-06T17:39:00.001+08:00

strange. sibbling work n get good sum of money. yet didnt get for mum those things she wanted/needed.

so wit my small amount of pay this month.

i bought for mum n myself COACH !:>

was from rumah nenek, then we decided to zoom to raffles city to buy. Mum start to shop at newlook also -..-

okkay gtg, i want to sleep :( later go jogging at night.

need to prac. today ate rice, gemok mcm babi!

2011-12-04T17:13:00.001+08:00

Marlina & Amirah. the best buddy for sunday class!

Amirah iphone will be used for checking fb which is Marlina fav things to do.

as for me, i would be playing game. & she will always intro me to new game :P

but my fav is cookie doozer. ^^

Ustazah Sara.

she teach my sibblings also. She always tent to forget my name and call my sister name. oh well, during her year, i didnt dare to play hp, sleep in class. i always try to do my best. coz she is a very strict teacher. but nice.

Ustazah kamariah. She only teach us for a few month. coz there are a few of us in the afternoon session. and we have to go morning session

tadaaa. this is the ustazah salmah. morning session :)

i have to say ustazah salmah have thought me for about 3 years . And im very guilty for not paying attention fully. I always did revision, homework , sleep , read book , eat? , sleep behind the class. but i do understand when she summaries the whole thing. K no, i dont really do all that everyweek. hehe.

she been the best ustazah, she nice eventhough she looks fierce. she look only, but in class with all of us, she will share her family stories, and her experience. she will use my name for all the stories. eg

" adilah, kalau bapak suruh kawin tak boleh ckp NO. masih anak dara. kalau da janda baru boleh ckp no". that kind of example.. u know. for the class to understand also.

she also go around the class asking how are you. etc etc. she also knew if we are all so stess wit our O n N. :) very nice kan? i mean, i miss all the ustazah very much!

i rember she gave me ZERO for hafalan. since then i try to get at least just pass.she help out if we forget any ayat. :)

InsyaAllah, if any of my sibb get married. All the ustazah will be di jemput. ofcoz , they teach us all the topic. only me got ADDITIONAL subj which is freaaaking hard :( but they remind me, when get married, lelaki tk boleh pakai inai at all. sikit pon tk boleh! haram! jeng jeng jeng!. :>

since i dont get 75 % and i cant make it to pergas.

i will/may retake it. insyaAllah.!

its raining. macam mane nak merayap dgn motor?

basah kuyup leeeh! :(

2011-12-03T01:11:00.001+08:00

Happy cramps day!

fml. its soo painful. i rmbr when i hav it last month. Sharil was worried about me. coz we have to do allot of price tagging n im there crying in pain. panadol pink didnt work at all. -.- so this month it came 1 week late. double the pain, double the screaming ! oh well, this is what a woman/lady have to go tru every month.

today was fun :> went out wit sis , merry and laly.

town , suntec, marina , suntec , mustafa :>

it was perfectly funny ! hmm, erm was at mustafa took a lift wit 2 polive officer, walk to the carpark togthr, and tadaaa i saw the thief. lol. ghairah gitu eh! LOL

bought dior bag! ommmyyy! im loving it eventhough its pink! pink? hahah. but its very nice ! sis bought her shoes. yeaaah. shoping for hongkong trip :> ghairah . lol

sis told me if i pass my nlevel. USS is on her. January will be going USS with merry laly n lily. Feb will go genting. March wil go TRISTON PARK! dirt bike. who say 16 year olds cant ride bike. alreadi learn n tried the basic. takot2 jugak! lol. must try ! motor da standby . LOL.. tak sabar, gonna have a boat ride n tadaaa triston park ! krikrik. most prob will be wit hummy the whole event.

that my future plan. insyaAllah dgn izin Allah swt. amin! tmrw no plan. sunday , blanje abang. monday meeting workmate to chillchillshoping. at the same time i have to attend my prac ! muay thai. kick boxing.! all time fav. :> muack muack!

im retaking my examinations. i want to go pergas. working damn hard on arab! insyaAllah. with marlina and amirah. amin!

pyyong. da lewat malam ni.

ssaranghae dila

2011-11-30T11:11:00.001+08:00

couple size yougurt :> sukeeee kite -.-

yesterday zoom to vivo , get our top & dresses at forever 21. shop for some clips n ring. n zoomed to bugis. we didnt have anyplan. is just a chill chill day before Ahmoi start her work today :>

plan for today .

cycling !

hopefully friday , pignik with ika n shikin :) insyaAllah!

2011-11-29T07:52:00.001+08:00

I hate the fact im facing shits during this week. I stop working because it the time for me to enjoy before my result. enjoy in the sense of doing what i like, go to the places i love to go. And i dont fucking get my mum's point. I mean oh fuck give me a break. all this shits i been facing alone is just alone. i need a break. i dont want to go to some fcking boring holidays wit u n dad. coz every holiday you n him will fight. so wat the fcking point? tak serik2 lagi? ke nak aku sepak baru paham?

Ni lah kate orng, kalau da sayangkan orng tu, bende buruk pun boleh tutup mate. that doesnt work for me. tak serik ke tak reti ni? bodoh sangat ke ? jadi pompuan jangan kasi muke dgn laki. kadang2 laki ni feeling2 hebat, ego satu bakul. mati tak nak. menyusahkan kaum wanita , tapi tak tau nak respect. bodoh mcm ___!

back to yesterday, met school teachers at airport. with the usual ika n shikin. have a great day spent with them . hougang -pasir ris - changi airport. :> winkswinks.

today's plan, withdraw $$$, meet Ahmoi. Blanje cermat. buying new pairs of jeans and stuff. followed by buying bro's meal that i owned :)

saving most of my $$ for next year concert since i didnt go for MNET this year. which is today :( haiss. i really really want to breakdown right now. so many stories been told to me. i seriosly do want to feel the taste of killing the person who said all that. i really want to feel how someone died in my hand. muahahah! k no. setan ni semue! wts!

to him -

we been tru many shits togethers so far since October . You were there listening to me complain during my working hours. but i guess we didnt make it this time. look at us, work work work. no time n space given for each other. excuses from both of us. but hey, i do play my role in this situation. so please dont be a tooot! coz i dont take this like a joke. ! why do i love you for the sake of making myself a fool? a fool to wait ? oh gosh not another 'talk' wit u. no point solving anithing. i declare an end of this shits, lets just continue wit wat we hav left. which is nothing. just an empty heart. full of doubts.

ppyong. saranghaedila <3

2011-11-26T20:26:00.001+08:00

Salam Ma'al Hijrah ♥♥

tahun baru kepada seluruh umat islam di singapura .

semoga tahun baru ini, kami semua dapat menjalankan ibadah tanpa lengah, mengeratkan silaturahim dgn keluarga dan menjadi seorang muslimin dan muslimah yang baikbaik .

tahun baru ini, D akan cuba untuk memperbaiki diri. cuba untuk tidak meningalkan solat dan kadaq nya dengan secepat mungkin. jauhkan diri dari difitnah dan dekatkan diri dgn Allah dan dikelilingi dgn orng-orng yang beriman dan soleh. insyaAllah. dgn izin dan kehendaknya. amin.

-NLEVEL result will be release in a few weeks time. i promise hana to inform her my result. n if we both plus ban get to sec 5, a quick start on revision n tuition is needed. yes neeeded badly. ! :>

went ngaji today, was so happy tat i recite surah Mariam. and go get my pay . good sum babe! syukran. n rush home, just to jemaah and bace surah yassin. :) however now, im slightly having fever. and abit giddy. hmmm, money money money.

i dont like working, but i just love the atmosphere being in sales. comunicate with unknown people. helping them, giving wat they want. when they are able to get their items, i feel happy wit them. when they dont, its kinda sucks to see the face expression. but i really did search hard and sometimes when i get the item, i will run towards them n show them. they are veryy happy n bought it straight. :)

alright. got to go know. <3

saranghaedila

2011-11-26T14:37:00.001+08:00

bring lappy along :> to kill madness at the beach!

fav kak aaisha :> the pretty funny one!

A new member of the family -.- in about 6 months to come. and i will hav to call her as aunty. eh? idk laaa ni semue .

gaji masok todayy! apa lagi donations time. derma kat masjid, bayar utang , bayar duit tu, duit ini. yang penting saving mesti ada!

cousin semue da nak standby tunang, kawin. baju mesti ade, gitu gini mesti ade. present kene beli. oh well, see the preparations je da takott, money do matter. haiyaa. one day event pakai banyak duit. wow!

hmm, bbye! got to go now! ppyong!

saranghae khai<3

2011-11-24T21:43:00.001+08:00

sweet escape :>

tmrw going bbq pit. busy making brownies. n it turn to be -.- i used the instant thingy, n it taste so wrong. but i still gonna do something to it. somehow. Im kinda stonning, thinking wat to wear tmrw, and what to draw now. hmmmmm

Lee called me, told me i could get my pay tmrw. but since im busy, shall get it on sat, with man,zai n hana :> and we shall proceed to chill out somewhere. catching up needed.

i shall stop working, its time to get track wit my hobby and my muaythai sessions. :)

saranghae. ifinite me love you!

2011-11-21T23:40:00.001+08:00

Fya look extremely pretty :> my senior. heheee

Thanks Sara for acmpny me to the wedding. wait, both of us were invited. haha :> it was nice meeting u after sometimes. i met you when i was sec 1 and u were sec 5. :) u still remain preety as usual.! I love your blog post n ur character. :> saranghae !

back to life. tmrw interview with charles n keith. i miss adidas for sure :(

Adidas workmates is freaking cool ,friendly. n they are like a family to me.! i keep bragging about my adidas mates, becoz they are the best among all :>

despite linda, rebecca . HHEHEHEH

hmmm! olright. bye!

2011-11-18T20:25:00.001+08:00

Back then during N. i wanted to hug you , n say goodluck. but i guess i better fck off n shut the hell up. coz to you, you see me such a pain,nuisance, problem , bitch. yeaa sundal, lahanat. yeaap. And at times, i really hate that moment when we had to ignore each other. And i wanted to text you a " cool down. take care etc.." msg when i saw ur post at fb, regarding how mood up you were with ur relationship. I wanted to congrat you back then, but i guess i wasnt the one you want to hear from.

You and i have a different world out there. Diff social , life , interest. Sadly back then i dont know how we can click , even though we had fought tru so many prob. Maybe just this year, 'suay' 2011. on our last year, this 'problem' cant be solve. And the sad part is, i dont know. I listen what people told me. what i heard etc etc. and so do you ? i think.

Didnt know you went for KL trip. hah, my thought of 3 of us sleeping in one hotel room was washed away. have fun there babe!

to Nurfalizah (IZA that freaking prefereddd name )

Good luck with all hurdles you are facing. May all your wishes came tru.

& dont worry, i will run away from you as what u wanted. u didnt want to see me, as i was pain in ur ass. okkay fine, i shall hide behind the paperbag. I happen to look back and smile. but i guess this time, i look back and cry. i guess both of us found a new bff. and like what u prefer , we shall remain unknown, stranger.

by all means.

I miss working at Adidas. Will come back when theres sale. mean while. it charles & keith or Zara ! i have no idea which to choose . :> I definately miss Hana, Ban, Sharil & Asyraf oh and francis. heheh. Iman, Zai anitime boleh calling2. heh ! taking care everyone. cant wait to fly for holiday. heheh. if i can get off :> hong kong D=

2011-11-14T21:52:00.001+08:00

Time fly so fast. Im officially out from Adidas Factory Outlet. & going to work at... jengjengjeng, will tell u soon :>

Today met up with hana. waited for the others for 3 hour? :( Hana took her leave n left with me, iman and zai. yes only 3 of us. And literally we were laughing all the way, cause we were talking about how work was back then. its was pretty fun to talk n think back about all those funny moments we had back at Adidas Factory Outlet. our funny/annoying/nice manager and ic. how small the store room that end up being a place to sleep,eat,lepak. heh

was from Vivo. apply for some jobs. and head to bugis with the mans. i swear, i was laughing non stop :>

Iman basiclly knew my dad. hah.

oh i met Hakim along the way. hurhur.

Nlevel result is in a few weeks time? month i guess. abit worried. but guess what, i miss studying. miss tuition with my awesome tutor FARHAN :) hey dude, u miss me? i bet u miss scolding, taking my calculator away. right? well, hopefully i get to sec 5. n u can continue doing that :>

my workmates are the best. seriosly :)

new year , meet up.

hehe

tayaaang!

2011-11-12T11:41:00.001+08:00

Someday i wonder.

Sometimes i think.

If we can make it tru all this shits.

coz someday , someone gonna take ur place.

Someday . Someday Someday.

one day, i will forget about you.

you will realise i wont miss you.

someday.someday

to my bestworkbuddy, Hana.

cheer up. I know whats going on, but if thats ur true love. then it will never leave you.

its okay my dear. everythings gonna be fine :>

i will be here okkay!

xoxo

soyabeandate soon!

2011-11-09T10:44:00.001+08:00

Hmmm hungry tummy, tummy hungry. grab a bite at Banquet :)

Nasi Ayam all time fav.

after all those crazy BIG WALK , we head to pasir ris to cycle.

cycle the whole beach and proceed home :>

Gonna end working with Adidas.

next is Uniclo or maybe Forever21.

if not, just some restaurant with my all time fav minyakkapazxc buddy :)

saranghae!

*hug*

2011-11-04T17:15:00.001+08:00

Its my off day <3 wiggles ;>

yesterday was the start of the Mega sales. and there were too many people. too many till 3-4 people ask question on the same time. its abit hard for me to handle. but neverthe less it was worth the fun. 0.o

the funny part of all, is when the customer thinks im a Filipino, and they confidently talk to me. was really lost but i manage to get the item they wanted. so does the china woman. Well, for others, they were really nice n friendly. talking to me as if we were bff. asking for my opinion , help to choose for them :>

Im pretty sure, i did my best. finding the size they wanted, giving them the new piece. well it was tiring. but working without feeling tired... is ridiculous.

hopefully, kyle could hop down to my work place soon :) gonna really say HI! hahaa. like how i did to some mediacorp celebrities. saying Hi and wave to them. AHAHHA seriously D?

shall find a new job soon.

ppyong. HOSEEBOO < kecoh satu singapore.

2011-10-31T01:14:00.003+08:00

Ruhana,Ban,Asyraf,Sharil,Francis.

that name above is my first ever work mate i have. fun caring nice people to work with. the best about is that just right on the first hour of work we could click with each other so well. age doesnt matter at all.

more new member came, more new friendship ties between me n them.

it felt like a big family, coz me,hana and ban is the youngest. oh and Lea.

Parent & family didnt believe i could hold on to this job. because its very ridiculous to just go for an interview and get it on the spot. and its been nearly a week plus since i been starting to work. i ditch my first job coz basiclly i was working with allots of china workers. couldnot understand, then i try Adidas.

great start.!

there are various places like domino pizza, G200 which i applied. but Adidas seem fun rite? ;) well, after my contract im gonna work either Nike, Esprit or Levis :) happy working happy living .

" you may not understand what im trying to say in my point of view. maybe you dont get that im trying to relate what u been promising to me. You commented being nice, but lil did i know ur not. :( sometimes i really want to forget n forgive, but on the other hand, people been telling me not to.. coz its really ridiculous. i dont know. im just speechless on what you did. you say without thinking. i guess both of us really believe on what been told? haiss. been having reflection time every work break. loooking around me, whats really wrong with me at times.

For every second that pass, i really wonder if this is what i meant to be doing,facing and having. listening n believing in every single words been told. sometimes i wish i could detact what is truth n not. im sick of listening to lies just to make me feel better, or to make me feel happier. to believe on that kind of situation is very dissapointing.. well sometimes, i guess i need to find the purpose of me living here. yup, why am i alive. why is it always me, not them not him not her not that child. but why god choose me to face all this problem.

main reason, coz im 'strong' in his eyes. theres a limitation to the pain he gives. rite? ''

You can count on me like one two three. you sure i can do that? you very sure its you who i can ONLY depend? are you that free to listen to every single story? :/

in this situation where everythings seems right nor wrong. where i could see which is paper and which is plastic. who to help n not. who to cry for or to fck off. i guess im blinded by reality and wishing for fantasy to come by. only if a unicorn could bring me to their world. where nothing exist here but only there.

giving in to you is something i have to think twice. coz once bitten shy twice.

2011-10-30T23:17:00.001+08:00

Adidas workers . Well im that retard one going around with that tembak and tembak on everyone clothes. hah. work is super tiring, however i managed to make as many friends as i could. suprisingly i found some trusted closed friend. such a nice workingpills to work with. being there for me, teman-ing me here n there.

Nadia came by my workplace, grab lunch with her.. Work was definately not wat i wanted, i didnt expect to work at Adidas. hah, people been asking around weather i could get them staff discount. LOL you people uh!~ surrounded by cardboxes. -.-

thats all folks. being busy training and working. gonna get my glooves soon. toddles :)

2011-10-26T00:21:00.001+08:00

to love someone without doubts.
i simply cant. and as a matter of fact, it makes me more worried about the love..

is better to ignore the love. then let it fade away. put some force in this kind of matter. your mind set will change.. im trying my best. so do you <3

2011-10-19T23:25:00.002+08:00

Just as planned. After our last paper for Nlevel, i decide to bring both of them to Singapore Zoological Park. Indeed it was super fun. filled with crazy and wanky things happen in between our journey. Yes, is very strange for some of u, why all places we choose to go to the zoo, well... been wanting to see animal, nature!
we tour the whole zoo. EXCEPT for butterfly and snake area ;) understood!

As for my days during holidays. hmmm, packed myself with cardio workout and kickboxing., im left with few days before im involve with Adidas sales. huhu ^^. well if u wanna know about how my first interview.., it when goood, funny, smooth .

it was next to the CPF building! and yes i was 1 hour early, cause i tot i could be lost. enter the place, was ask to come back at 4. mean while get myself a large cup of coffee. i was really dead that time, lack of sleep despite its holiday.. then came back.

was brought into a room. and theres this formal malay guy. i swear i tot he was the guy who gonna interview me.. & i was freakking nervous. so this guy ask what my name... idk how he know im 16, n didnt believe i was one coz im tall. well, he was 20 but he dont look like one. and i was suprise n paisey when i realize when he is also waiting to be interview.... he ask me allot of quest,. ahahah. not that allot. like what school, what my plan, when is school reopen , whats my cca , why i choose the job, what my name...

then the 2 of the interviewer came into the room. ask which of my names should be call. & she said " are you both friends? well, u both are now " -.-''
So more & more of work thingy were being told. so now i have to wait for call from chris. regarding workshifts.

before leaving, i gave my fb name to 'him'. coz if we both got(gotten) the job, we could go to work togther on the first day. & beside he has experience in working, so at least i could ask help, coz i got no idea about stock check~ aiigooo~!
but i think hes having misconception. oh well.

can wait to start work. i think im gonna be the youngest. location is abit off, coz it will remind me of MFA, but fck it. its over & im fcking done with it. so close book and throw it away. peace :)

before my 'break' are over, goonna spend it with mum. finding stuff for cousin weddingg next year. ;)
arraso? okayy i get going now. theres allot of erran to be done. ppyoung.

ps- remind urself that ur pretty eventhough some people say your not. be the paper not the plastic <3saranghae. fighting.

me love infinite ;>

2011-07-28T23:53:00.002+08:00

CONGRATS SINGAPURA ; the lion city . :)

Nevertheless it was a good game.!

But somehow, i was wondering why khairul Amri, Precious and the others didnt played during this game.

I was brought up knowing them for being the great player .

As im blogging this, i fear N level that is a month time. Im really not looking forward to my birthday. Being 16, whats the big fck? what the big fuss. I hate the fact im brought to life. There must be something that god want to present to me in the end of my life.

In order to feel what life is, i guess thats why im walking through this horrible shits. Life is full of bullshits. You never know if ur the shits to the shits.

2011-07-24T19:50:00.003+08:00

Allah, I need you all the time, guide me thru ur world. Give me the strength to this journey never end. Allah, your my everything. My life lies on u.

2011-07-23T10:30:00.002+08:00

I dont like you coming back into my life. Yes you. You know clearly how hard for me to forget you, and just by your 3 sentences make me uneasy, looking forward to hear from you again. Thank you. But neverthe less, im gonna keep the cold sholder between us. Because i see no reason to fall for you again. & dont you think im gonna be like my previous lifes.

Say goodbye to sports. My neck is not stable still. Dont think i can continue with my fav sports game. :(

Oh my birthday is around the corner. Is on the second day of puasa. My sweet sixteen i guess :/

hospital

2011-07-20T19:43:00.002+08:00

I been going for check up here and there.

just in school, a ball was hit right at my left side cheek and neck.
headed to the clinic, and i was supposed to be sent to the hospital, but i told the doctor,
i will be fine after medication

sadly, im still feel the horrible pain. Putting Koyok at my cheek. :(

Is been ages since i blog. there to many to share. & i dont know if i should share.
people will always misunderstood anyway.

till next time.

2011-06-22T01:40:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD

say hi to the misery history

2011-05-23T23:04:00.000+08:00

bread & butter

2011-05-20T18:17:00.002+08:00

Is better to keep your own problem to yourself.

Making the decision with your own choices.

Try nt asking for opinion from others.

Because, this is your life. your stories.

The plan you made will ensure your next page of life.

I been gone for a month . in a way of another.

I have Nadia that constantly believing me in any ways.

She told me, that i must do well. i have to pass.

Because i know, deep down . Poly is my choice.

Is okay to fail. But is not correct to not learn from the mistake.

There will be more going out to study, taking break.

More of Mac cafe , starbucks.

HAHAHA :)

YES. IM FINALLY SETLE DOWN WITH MY LIFE.

terima kasih ya ALLAH :)

2011-05-17T21:51:00.002+08:00

Hapy Vesak DAY :)

Spend time with D&T friend at ECP. cycle till my ass hurts. Is been ages since i cycle. I was very nervous when i get on to the bike. Even the uncle say, i keep screaming -.-' takot cik. takot jatuh patah tangan.

I remember, when i was small, my leg was stuck in those wheel handle? whatever you call it. It damn painfull. super scary. ECP was flooded with many people. I cant even recongnise who is who. i know some, but i was busy cycling, trying to balance myself. :D

My right hand is super numb. My right leg is filled with bruises. shit much! -

Didnt i say , i didnt want to think about you again.

Didnt i say, that i mean what i said.

Didnt i say, its not gonna happen this time.

Didnt i say, im off without you .

Didnt i say, your love just mean nothing to me?

Didnt i say, your a *)*$@)

Come on. I found someone else.

who? A.R

2011-05-15T22:09:00.003+08:00

Broken arrow <3

yes . I love her .sepuluh tahun friendboat.

But i love Anwar .

I love missed him.

I wish i have not miss.

I wish i could rewind the days with him

Those day where we just seat together facing the sea.

Those day, when your parent just talk to me.

those day , when u catch a cold.

i was there for you .

2011-05-11T18:05:00.002+08:00

Is a wrong decision made. Words dont mean a things, when action is done the opposite way.

Im in a mist of breaking down with my own hopes. I dont think if theres a way out, it will be the

best of it.

Is been a few years since i keep fighting for my right. Fighting for my say. But i guess is just mean nothing. I wana go out of this hell.

I just want to be alone. Doing whats best for me. Not you :(

2011-05-10T19:03:00.001+08:00

Many things are worth fighting for.

Many problem arent worth solving for.

Sometime, i just need my own space.

To see, whats really going on.

To see the reality, to feel the slap.

Make me realise,

Not everyone is true , honest.

Sometimes, it just need one patience to end.

and the truth reveal.

Im patience enough tru these 4 years.

2011-05-07T23:10:00.002+08:00

I pray to ALLAH SWT.

flower winter

2011-05-02T17:56:00.002+08:00

Sunday - i had a great day spend with NADIA :) we studied at airport then head to singapore expo. Mainly for fun. But it turn out to be the most EPIC DAY :D

When we step in, all the wedding planner kept giving me their catalog. I was puzzled, but just took it. And you know, nadia and i was so mesmorize with the wedding dress, that we start talking about wedding theme. wedding dinner, nikah . blablabla. Then, a wedding planner approach us. Not just one but two. they ask the same question " WHEN IS UR BIG DAY " the other one is " WHEN UR RARA day ". and me being me just say " BELUM PLAN LAGI " . Nadia is superb shock hearing what i replied.

Worst still, when they ask us to seat down with them to discuss. HAHAHHA XD Is like almost every wedding booth gave us the catalog. hahaha epic .

And, nadia and i play a guessing game. because i was hungry, and shes not. So if i guess the age of the person right, nadia must follow my taste bud. They were having some NENEK kebaya contest. So i guess the age, and yup. I was right. Ate burger king. And our stomach was a KING KONG !! ~ gosh.

Alright, watch watch watch. Bumb onto somany good-looking guys. And nadia remind me that '' we getting married'' HAHAHAHHAHA XD. i even have kusus rumah tangga catalog. FUNNY MUCH? faint man ! do we look so mature , that we are getting married very soon?

Home sweet home. cant wait to meet Nad on the 13 -15. Either or during that date. celebrating her birthday, and ofcos go out. Dont know where. Maybe she bringing me to perkampungan. NO please :( i dont want.

Oh btw, on saturday night. When to pasir ris pit with ns men. Yes they we super friendly and crazy. Was grizling that night, and freaakingg cold. Never the less, they talk to me. Which make me feel that is worth going despite i was having a bad fever. When home at 2 am. HOW awesome was that ?

2011-04-27T23:26:00.003+08:00

I dont know if the world out there will be much worse then the world im facing now. Im certainly uncertain with everything that is around me, plastic face and personality. Im afraid of regard someone as my best friend, because everyone will betray one day. I dont want to be sad,full of misery again. I had enough with almost everything. Im only 15 going 16 but look, i gone tru some many shits.

People been idolizing stars so badly. While im hear, facing reality. No time to idolize, to sleep , to go town or wherever the in places. I feel so rejected with all the communication brought up. Cause i dont go out , like out. I only go library then home. thats plainly my life. People idolizing her and him, dont you have ur own life to run, then stalking ur own idol? plainly for me, i used to be. and i was a complete idiot.

Facebook was flooded with friendship, love , ' i will wait for you' status. all of it, i been tru it. in and out. and when i say its not worth, i mean it. you wait for that person, is the wait worth? you cry for a friendship? friend come and go, they talk behind ur back, despite is ur best friend. Love? oh man, ur teenager . I bet marriage is not about love only. so yeah?!

Lastly, be full of confident, be ready pack with ignorance. Because people out there are going to bring you down. one by one. Dont let any words bring you down.

ps- irritate me, i ignore.

well done

2011-04-27T23:15:00.003+08:00

Firstly, i like to wish to myself a very good job well done. Why? because theres this say " the day when u moved on, is when u look at ur ex photo, or think back at any part of the memories with him. You didnt shed tears or feeling of love. You did took ur step real far away ". And this just so silently happen to me. so congrats to myself..

Secondly, im having fck up time in school. With friends. With anyone. Pls dont take ur friend like ur answer sheet, ur someone to used for when in need. Its plainly obvious. And i dont like to entertain you people. Bloody ____. Use only when needed, laugh at whenever u wish. This kind of friend deserve to DIE AND BURRY UR BODY BY URSELF. kan ni na.

Thirdly, im preety tired almost everyday. Im getting fck up with pretender who is surrounding me. tell you, SHUT THE FCK UP. oh any this is very importnt for EVERYONE

EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN STORY. LISTEN TO THEIRS.

YOU HAVE UR TURN LATER.

DONT INTERRUPT DUMB !

2011-04-22T19:34:00.002+08:00

Im tired. Im tired. I become the make-up artist and the photographer. I didnt eat since morning till 5 pm. This is only "NIKAH" . tomorrow is the real wedding day D:

Im very tired running with high heels, bending down to get the right angle. Being all alone since mum was not in a good condition. All the unknown aunties called me to take their photograph . Im pissed off.

Till i break down and just say "i had enough of people irritates me. shut the hell up "

I dont give a fck. the other side of the family were mainly arrogant and minah type. While im the chill and happy go lucky . Despite i smile to them, they just give me those horrible stares. Well, lucky its a family wedding, if not i already *$*_*$)(*$%)_ .

URGH! My prelim in a week time. And i dont know what to say . FML

2011-04-21T22:50:00.001+08:00

he said " you are much sweeter then the sweet you put in my bag"

touching much.

thank you my good friend.

2011-04-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past .. stop planning the future .. stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel .. stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel and sometimes we just have to go with "whatever..happens..happens"

2011-04-17T18:38:00.002+08:00

Many shits been running tru my mine. Im on the process of giving up school and sleep till i die. HAH. i wish. I been having soo many problem with coping with the time. Mostly because im using the computer 15 hour aday . i dont know. but im too pack with school, class activity and also cca. Despite i should be stepping down very soon.

Im letting go many problem in one go. Mostly i shall shut the phone up. saying goodbye to those meet up with all my long lost friend. When i missed them the most, they dont even bother. Well, they dont cherish friendship like i do. SIGH. but nevertheless, people nowaday dont know how to appreciate . :/

Tomorrow is monday. And i hope this week will end fast. My cousin wedding in on Friday and Saturday . I cant wait to meet all my handsome cousin. Since , most of my cousin are males. And my prelim is one week more :( Good luck . good luck.

Bye bye to all my loves one who made quoter of my year meaningfull. I shall take a step down, and walk away. Leaving you behind and the memories. I will come back when im down with all these crap.

I miss Band forsure. I miss my 4 years trombone. I miss all my band mate . I miss everything. I miss going to consert, i miss getting excited to perform. I miss everything in band. I missed my junior, my section :(

Lifes goes on. So see me taking my steps . *farewell*

2011-04-17T00:45:00.003+08:00

I know, im not pretty, not cute and adorable. Not those party girl. Not those club ladies. I know, im just a girl who thinks that unicorn exist. Where schools are like Hogwarts. Which friends are like gummy bear. I know, i realise. Im nothing to be compare as them. Im having curfew, im a trouble maker. I involve in fights, i have many problem. I know. Im not sutaible to be call urs, or used to be urs.

Conclusion - you dont want to regard me as ur friend.

many incident showed me, how embarressed you are when with me. And i tried to remind myself that scene where you told me how public look at us. I rembred. clearly. how you look at me. feeling disgusted.

I dont know who am i to you. I dont know what am i in your past. I dont know why you should come back to me as a friend. I dont want to know what will happen between us in days to come.

You should have a clear idea, why im reacting this way. Im teaching, telling, cursing myself to stop loving you. to stop putting hopes in ur words. to stop giving in to people. to stop being such a fool. I am trying to close my heart to every single thing in life , especially when it comes to you.

I dont deny , how much i love you. How much tears i cried when you came back. But then, i know it will never happen . what thing ? Those stupid scenarios i make up, so that i will have a better heart to go to sleep . Thinking u be mine again, crying for ur late call bring me to sleep. Waking up trying to be strong and put this fake smile back.

Whatever it is. whatever it take. this have nothing to do with anyone. freedom of speech . I hate it when people think, this post is for them. HELLO, its call DEDICATION alrite dummies. -.-'

Back - i dont know, i dont care. mark my words. shut this bloody imagination in my mind.

note to self " NOTHING OF THOSE FAIRYTALE SCENE WILL HAPPEN. NOTHING DILA. NOTHING. not a bit of happiness will i get, if this tears keep falling. if i have to constantly remind myself to be strong every moment."

2011-04-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

Honestly, i really dont know whats going on with my life. I been rather clinking with empty promises that i thought it will happen. Okay, seriously how many reflection must i do. Why am i so kind too give in to others?

I really dont know whats going on. I really want to pause the time. Can i just say this , " im not ready" im tired. in sick. but im trying my best. Do you see, im trying my best. im exasperated. Im flabbergasted with so many kinds of news. I need to manipulate good character, but the thing is, i cant. Im tired of meeting date line. im tired of wanting him back * the fact that im over him*

the point is, I want to run away from all this shits. :( N'level, im not ready. easy said, im having split personality till i cant control of myself. I let my emotions,my thought concur my brain.

:'(

2011-04-12T22:32:00.003+08:00

Im super annoyed with all the things around me. I dont like when somebody is constantly reminding me this and that infront of anyone. just to please them. For heaven sake, stop acting cute or caring towards me. coz im already trying to independent. STOP saying this and doing that. Hold on to your words okay! im seriously trying to be very patient right now. If im not, i already took my step out of this hell.

Stop all this drama, stop all this pretending concern. Is too silly for me. Is not encouraging at all, is so annoying that i have to shout at you and say " SHUT UP " please, i need my space at home. Im sick of school , friend, meet all the bloody deadline. You think it so easy? screw you.

Sunday class, religious class . is like my burden? i sleep in class, yawn too much. do all those late homework, listen to songs. IM NOT IN MOOD TO STUDY ALL THAT. basic reason i need my rest. Saturday will/already taken up with school. fck yeah okay school. school is on WEEKDAY not on WEEKEND. bloody moron!

And ontopofthis, i need my rest. my own vacation all alone. I need to sleep like a pig. Rest like a boss. Come on. give me my SPACE. Im 16. im leaving my own life.

" i wont be this stress, if you never give your expectation that i have to meet it. Its my life, but im living on your dream. HOW FCKNG FAIR IS THIS TO ME "

2011-04-10T14:08:00.007+08:00

trombonist. Look at the top picture. We were sec 2. And compare it on the photo bellow. Look how far have we came. For the past 3-4 years in band room. Only 2010 have made us as close as now. Basic reason was now, we are the seniors. Indeed, we had replace our beloved old beloved seniors.

Syf result was the same with or without them. But just as you know, trombonist is the most strongest section i felt. We work so hard, we went morning practice, we didnt gave up. Instead we fear more. Many things are worth doing, and yes result wont be equal to our hardwork all the time.

Yes, i felt super dissapointed with the result. but to see how far we 4 woman had grown make me realised, this is something worth keeping , rembering and telling to others. Maybe it was more too karina,me and gen. Because we are much closer.

Its time to give our trombone to a new owner, who knows with the newly juniors, they can make bmb proud once more. I dont know how, but lets just pray and give them our believes.

Going to miss you people. :'(

2011-04-03T13:37:00.002+08:00

lost in my own world. filling the empty spaces with knowledge .

I dont know what next. if only i could find the answer.

now im standing here. right here.

"me against the whole N'level student. fighting for a place in sec 5"

horrible life.

2011-03-20T22:59:00.003+08:00

tired.

ERIC

it singapore world water day. And yes, i help out with PUB to make the event run smoothly. Usher people to respective area, bring them to the other toilet, give them food, goodie bags. Ask people to move up. Run here and there, give teeshirt. talk to lost aunty and kids. AWESOME

wake up at 4.30. took the first bus and catch the first train to reach marina bay at 6.30 am. but i was late :( hah, but worse still, shuttle bus was delayed so we took cab. Didnt have any bite. They give the food after the whole even ended.

Share a resting room, where we put our bags with abng2 police. HAH! banyak paisey pls. the last one to enter, muke selengeh . XD keep bumping on them when doing the usher. i know, the laught at me, coz the aunty are talking in chinese, and i dont understand. WAIT! i did, that why im able to show them the right way. fabolous shit am i? ^^

reach home, never bath . go to sleep. oh there no food. :( msg 'B' . and yes, thing are in a big mess. BYE! lazy to do hw :/ NABEI~

2011-03-19T11:48:00.001+08:00

what a march holiday? i have band workshop followed by band camp and im having PUB event tml. So far only tuesday and saturday is the only day i could catch a breath and sleep like a pig. Is been rather hectic with SYF just around the corner, and trombone section is really doing sectional like one of a kind. with the stress face, till our lip get hurt. and keep going to the toilet, because drank too much water :S

nevertheless, im still on the race till N'level. omg:/ cant believe that im facing all this shit. haiss..

first term

2011-03-11T12:13:00.002+08:00

is the last day of the term. Is not a good thing, is freaking me badly. N'level is coming nearer, is already March. and the goose bum is already up.Im not satisfied with my result. plainly because, i failed english. and my social studies grade is C5. i love social studies, and im always the top in a small class last year. but this year, english and social studies is a worse thing that destroy my whole result book.

I dont know if im able to go sec 5. i dont even want to think far. I cant stop praying for the best everyday. I never fail to say my prayer before i do anything. start with " bismillahirahmaniraham" is the key of everything right?

Im keeping all my other emotions aside. Friendship problem, stupid dumb relationship all aside. I have no time to finish my life, so i guess i shall hinder and give a pause to other stupid minor problem. Lets keep this fake smile alive. lets just hold on. lets just continue with wat is being plan.

never deny your dream,aim, goal. never under estimate. Im going to get diploma and a degree. i want to be a psychologist . I want to be, no i repeat I NEED AND WANT TO BE. i have a back up plan. and that back up plan is either, a radio DJ, or tourism. Insyaalllah. with gods will. do pray for me :')

Afterall, is me alone against the whole world. is me and my daily prayer. is me and whats is in my hand. is what i have within me against everyone. to fight for my better future.

2011-03-07T20:33:00.002+08:00

I have so many things to share. To express it out. Im having one of the bored , blur , tired , restless day . I want to be dead. I want to closed all the pain away. I want to be carefree. I no longer want to talk to anyone. I want to shut my own life. I want to argue against things that are not important to worry for. I want to kill time with reading books, diving deeper to another world. I dont want to be stuck in between false emotions. I dont think im ready to be 20. Im 16, yet i have the mentality to give up so easily. I cant see any hopes. I cant see any path or guidance . All i have is a map, no compass. this is how my life is.

One day, i hope those who i made my priority, will come running towards me, and just say " thank you", after so long, they realize that they meant the whole life for me. while im just a trash for them.

2011-03-07T20:07:00.003+08:00

Band fiesta 2011. held at Singapore conference hall. 6 march. I was spending my whole sunday at SCH waiting for the time to be performing. And indeed, i was very tired. I had my contacts in place. I cant sleep with contact lenses, so its was a good thing. I cant be sleeping. I will be slaughter alive. -.-'

future more, today morning, i have to be in school by 6.30 to perfome at school. Everyone drag their feet to school, and im dead tired. I cant even see the bus number from a distance. Slept in class. And still, i attend band practice in the late afternoon right after 2 extra classes. HOW tiring my day is.

Sadly, 'pink highlighter' living school today, gave him a BIG BIG hug. :'( shed tears . I want to return all the valentine presents and the pink highlighter. He attch, and i dont deserve all the present no matter, if it is a form of friendship. :/

ps- i failed my english badly =( sad life.

2011-02-27T07:06:00.002+08:00

yesterday was just like the other saturday. either i attend tuition or go study. since im having a tuition break, i spend some time studying with my band member. infact i was the only malay. but it doesnt matter.

everyone was laughing and screaming. talking about SYF. making our hopes high. at the same time, im having doubt, because im having some shits to attend . :/
nevertheless . im still trying to figure out the solution to all shits. Been having bad mood to talk and being badly annoyed. feel like slapping anyone who make me mad. future a do, i dont need friends who are plainly using me. fck the people.

whatever stays here. if you think u are the one. then im sorry to say, it you. HAH -.-

2011-02-26T08:11:00.002+08:00

i miss this 2 loves one. Nadia & Natasha. the best since day one.

meet up during hols okay. We shall have a catch up session.

with cupcake and tea.

naahahahahahhaahhahaha.

love you people~

2011-02-25T09:32:00.002+08:00

Is not how many friends that make you happy.
Is not how long a frienship last.

Is, are you be happy with them. and not faking with hem.
no lies. no betraying..

Afterall, is you alone facing all the shits.

and your bestfriend is your own enemies in all areas.

2011-02-22T16:35:00.002+08:00

Didnt i start my year well. With new and more hopes with loves one. And with all the promises to be together and not betraying each other like the other pages we did.

And look at all this.... We are back to square one. No , im back to square one. All trash down. All burried with ur plain lies and story. Why do i deserve this again? =/. and u be running back to me, when ur story are all destroyed, and im ur 'saviour' to amend all ur hearts? is that it?

I been rather strong. Stuff my mind with non-fiction stories, which give me the mind of strength. I dont want any downpour or anything bad to disturb this mind of mine. i have so many things to think of. to be dead worried. So please dont come to me, to get my care and concern. I have enough, being 'used' by the same people.

And another one. You lied to me. Wait? how long did u wait? you cant even handle me, and u just give up.. Just when im about to acept you openly. God only knw, how shock i am.. nevermine. since u are leaving. then go. i dont want to see u again. I feel like throwing away ur gifts. -.-'

2011-02-19T21:45:00.001+08:00

badly upset.

2011-02-18T20:33:00.001+08:00

what am i supposed to do..

why do i always get back to basic zero. with all the same problem
revolving..

2011-02-15T23:15:00.002+08:00

Im on my way on giving up school and at the same time trying to work things all out. I cant possible just stop school or just shut down everything. Afterall, this is not what i planned since day one. I thought i was prepared. But lil did i know, im not for emotion.

Been rather restless when it comes to love and ' being some one valentine' because it need more responsibility. And with just a few closed friends i cant cope, how much more a relationship. a serious one..

I cant be juggling to many issue in one go. What else , if the guy is never understanding. No matter how hard i said, im putting N'level first, he keep saying im selfish. Is all up to you. because, no matter how hard you tried, im still standing on the ground. exasperated much...

What more can i get from all this shit you been giving to me? Im no longer a kid born yesterday. I know your style. Sorry, im not a girl who you think i am. Sorry dude.

And to monkey. sadly, badly dissapointed. No word can replace all the shits that been happening between us. especially with what you did.

Alright. time to sleep. bye!

2011-02-14T19:49:00.003+08:00

thank you babes and hunks . ilysm!

my friend pass this ^ to me. i was blur . my friend told me " it was from someone " and i was like ZOINK; i was eating and laughing like mad. just imagine. k, dila burok

HAPPY BALENTIME DAY =)

thank you for all who made me happy.

im sorry yazid, if im not able to be ur valentine. get angry all u want.

im not like the typical girls u known.

to him -

thanks for everything. ur promises ... is rubbish.

nevertheless

2011-02-13T22:03:00.002+08:00

So , as irony as this sound, tomorrow is Valentine day. And muslim not suppose to celebrate. but i just take it as a friendship day or something. But how horrible or devastated it could get if you and ur bf is fighting and giving each a cold sholder? You know, i let you go yesterday night, i give u space. and now? the whole day, you just silent up yourself. WHERE your promises? Dont tell me u have no time? then what all that happen last week? Was it just an act? you know, i trusted you AGAIN .. faint

Never the less, AZLYN made my day . =) yes yes. we shall have more of this outing or something. because this is where we can let it all out. i dont know what coming next. I hope we going to go tru it thick and thin eyer bffffffffff (?) HAFIZ? oh tidaaaak *inside jjoke * thank god , for making us able to meet again... without any 'bestfriend' jealousy from her side. AHAHAH. kecoh sia kawan kau lyn.

there more to come..

2011-02-12T23:34:00.002+08:00

Spend my saturday well. Went to band, tuiton and had a study group with Ah-LING!!!

tuition- only god know how pissed i was. And how well it end off .. * snatch calculator,pen,ruler,eraser, * share secrets . But still, i was pissed off. the way we talk, no the way i talk to him. is like im very exasperated... im still flabbergasted with the incident. =/

Study group? was more then awesome can? ahahahha. went to popular and diva to get some stuff. and yes, i spend all my money =( ahaha. it okay.

& i was very pissed of , when im having dinner with sis. I was texting someone. he sound desperate to meet up. i swear, i hate guys who behave like this. dont because it nearing valentine day, that why you wana meet up. it too sudden. it too besotted .all i rmbr i reply his text -

" im sorry. i dont want to be more then friends. is to early.. and i need to focus on N'level. i have no time to meet u. Please, there are other girl. go and meet them... and please, i wont msg you, if i dont want to be ur friend. you dont know me well, and i dont want you to know me deeply. till here. this all i could afford to say. be more then friend, in this state? im sorry.. this never what i wanted in this friendship. please understand. our age different. it plays apart to me. Love is never sex, never lust. And if u are serious. meet my parent. not me first. "

and i wish i had the nerve to tell him the truth. " you dont understand and
i dont think you ever will know the truth; and maybe that unforgivable too.
"

not well

2011-02-11T22:17:00.001+08:00

had the horrible stomach ache and cramp this whole week.
bad lung infection. damn horrible breathing .
double vision , migraine.

Mostly, didnt take my 'panadol'.

Dear boy,
i dont know. i dont want to think any deeper. it hurts me more.
and sadly you didnt realise it... sad.

2011-02-10T20:07:00.003+08:00

This month was rather blues for me. Have so much conflict with bestfriend. And with monkey boy. Not really sad about him, is just that we are pretending about everything. Or am i just ''cinta bertepuk di sebelah tangan?" . You were rather different then 2 years. back, i thought the promised lasted for one night. but it didnt. we 'report strength' to each other. We were acting like we are somebody to each other. we both give our concern , care , worried. But i really dont want to think any futher about this.

Because, we are 2 different people holding on one promise. and i have no gurantee that one day, you will take ur steps away. like what you did, and came back all broken , and waiting to be heal...

other than that, i think i preety much hurt another guys feeling by the way i responded to him. maybe he dont knw,that i hate to have any special relationship in school especially. so i guess, is better to remain just friends.

Valentine day is coming =) celebrating it with my band mates :) how awesome?!

for him

2011-02-07T21:43:00.002+08:00

memories & our photograph from both era contain the same patina of shameless.

saying word you should never say aloud.

like forever or till the end.

the accumulation of a million memories we made.

Im sorry, i never should have said anything. what do i know about love?

im sorry.

a true friend since small

2011-02-05T23:45:00.002+08:00

syakirah says:

it's just a msg, friends syng f r i e n d s
guys in this generation are all the same, all shallow
you think they've changed for the better but no
not always
do you want to get hurt like you used to?
do you want to spend the whole night up crying
when are you gna find your life and enjoy it so carefree
that you dont need to worry about boys
rly babe, right now dont think so much about boys
kalau ade jodoh, the right one will come
now you think about your studies your future

she asked me -

youve promised me so many times
and time and time again you're back to the same person again
when am i gna see the new you
a better different much happier one

once apon a time

2011-02-05T21:07:00.002+08:00

Coming to 4 years straight, this dila-storybook contain all sort of words. But to the extent of it, this was dedicated and was meant to be a reminder to myself. Many wont remember reading the very first post of dila-storybook.

Let me recap for you

Opening a new book. with new hope to start a fresh. leaving all the old memories behind. starting fresh with new people, new loves ones. (It was more of that. )

But then, i didnt even do that. I did open a new book. more of a new chapter. But ever chapter was more challenging. but if you realise, it was dedicated to someone. Just that same. that same person.

It was suppose to make me stop all the lovely-sad-stupid love shits. I grew wiser despite people think im still a fool and dumb . But it make me wiser within me. I no longer being easy fool (despite i did ) . But afterall, this is what i know and notice within me. And if you have any comment toward what i say, just shut the fck up. you may know me in and out. but afterall, is D'la who know herself better. stfu.thankyou~

Incident after incident make me clever enough. make me open my eyes. who to believe and who to ignore. which to give my priority or make them as option.. To trust them or to deny them. To really listen or to pretend.

Well, i guess im being more skeptical in listening to people now adays. Because i realise, that some people talk doesnt make sense. they may tell you 1001 bad thing about a particular person and the next moment they with the person gossiping about you. is this what you call 'wtf'. hah. whatever lah. is ur life, live it to the fullest? let me see when u are done. coz i dont think i want to live my live to the fullest.

Lets just quieten down ourself, and just look around...

2011-02-05T20:40:00.003+08:00

Fidelity was another thing most of us eschewed in these days ='(

-To fake a smile. Is all I can do.,-

2011-02-04T13:10:00.002+08:00

i will be back. Get tru me via tumblr or facebook alright?

sometimes, you have to be apart from everyone. Not because you dont love them,

but the futher you get, the stronger the love get.

i miss so many people right now. I need a shoulder to cry on, a pillow to lean on.

a hug to let go off everything.

I need a true friend.

Neesya,Fella,Gen,Fya,Mily(tya)

I miss talking to all of you. <3>

2011-02-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

DEAR ALLAH , give your servant the strength to face life.

AMIN!

keep the finger cross

2011-02-02T22:54:00.002+08:00

There are times when i really dont want to believe what i heard , saw and notice. It sucks to trust reality because everyone is pretending, lying and making up their own stories. Some try to cover their own feeling. and i dont find it why i should be bothered if they like it or not?

It been so long since i blog what really happen in my daily life. because i think, are there anyone who going to be so bothered to really notice my life? in the sense, i dont think that people are really bothered if you have eaten, or taken a shower? who really going to ask you every minute and giving you the sense of concern if it not urself?

I dont understand why people now aday have no feeling to others. especially in taken other people happiness. is that your advantages ? or you just taking thing for granted? or taking oppourtunity? are you selling your looks? you are 'pretty' and there fore, you have all the hot looking dude around you? and you make the fat/ugly people the low people on earth? is that what you born to do? or your parent teach that, being natural is so wrong?

i love . i adored to link parent in some one behavior. you can say mine too. I mean, like a malay proveb ' begitu acuan nya. begitulah kuih nya ' something like that. which means, if the cake make is round, the cake will be round in then end. if your parent is so serious, you will be serious too right? is what flow in the blood that counts.but to count human nature sense too. but to look down on people, to steal someone's happiness is already to far. is too drastic measures.

proud and arrogant, is nature instinct i guess. But what is there to be so arrogant and proud off? is not like you are some angle from pluto or something. you are a human, you are leaving on EARTH, you have the moon and the sun. not some weird climate. we are the same in the end. so whatt the used of being proud of what you have? and trying to say that , i dont have the $$ the brain, the look to have what you have ?

I dont need THINGS to make me happy. what really trully meaning of happines for me , is when ALLAH , reply all my prayer. is like a dream come true. I only taste it once. And the feeling is so undescrible. and i have no idea, why girls now aday are so mean :( to those who they think are ugly,fat. =(

Dear God, make earth a better place for the weaker ones .. insyallah!

2011-02-01T23:22:00.001+08:00

One day, i hope you can see me. How serious i was trying to be friend back with you again. Trying to be like square one with you again.
But i know, nothing will be the same. Nothing can get us be like those days.

There this incident that bugs me .
I share with you , that he such a nice guy to be with. he caring etc.
You fall in love with him, just by the way i describe him.
And you contact him in silence.

Have you think about my feelings?
What kind of bestfriend are you?

Nevermine, i shall ignore.
Thank you so much bestfriend.

2011-01-31T23:45:00.002+08:00

I dont want you back. Is better if we are just friends.

We should not have been together, because there this intense feeling going on.

Cant we be just like others?

Some of my ex, are now my punching bag.

is like, we are just having random talk. cursing and swearing each other. in a joking manner.

why cant it be us?

why must we be so serious?

OHMY!

2011-01-31T12:04:00.003+08:00

risking every single sec just for you was a waste of time. waste of my life.

because , i realise , notice where i stand in your life.

who am i to be compare then your priority people. im just your option.

the one who you will go for, when ur world is down.

but afterall, im the one who bring you UP.

is just that you didnt see, how important people like me in ur life.

because , for you.

preety and 'in thing' girl are you blood. not people like me.

is okay. im find.

you dont know what true life is about, until you feel the lost that i felt.

the pain of loosing .

life and death

2011-01-29T21:46:00.002+08:00

is was a horrible nightmare for me. Went to clinic, it only give a jap. while waiting for medicine to recieve, i just cant swallow. and i keep sivering and i lost control. waited for bro to fetch us, i was begging mum to ask bro to come even faster. coz the pain was horrible.

reach A&E , emergency place. the nurse grab a wheelchair, and straight put me on hold. the nurses check me, i tot i have to wait longer. but just 2 mins after the nurse scan tru me, they send me to the doctor, and only arnd 5 mins talk, they put me in bed, and i was seperated from my mum

that point of time, i didnt know what am i going to face.

all i could think of was my family.

they did too many injection. i tried my best to stay clam.

they stuff things down my nose.

they did too many extray.

my hearbeat was weak then before.

i look, it was 96, then i look again, it was 81.

nurses and all kind of doctor look at me. wondering whats wrong with me.

i heard 'operation theater' , and i was hoping it wasnt me they refer too.:(

i was really afraid.

my dad wwasnt in singapore .

i feel that my life, is like the end of the road.

I was asked to stay even more

but i decide, i have to go home.

And then , i realise.

it was more of a family.

family ties. mum stand next to me, all the way . even if she knew she could seat down.

she just touch my forehead, whip my hair gentle, feel my fore head.

i cried. i cried.

i thank god.

for making an end to this pain.

2011-01-25T23:15:00.001+08:00

I risk my studies.

like seriously.

I didnt think twice.

I did.

But i was behaving exactly like a

F O O L .

No point D.

No point promising yourself.

Making swear.

No use. No point.

You are just the same old weak D.

Like sec 1, till sec 4.

for you, things have change.

But have you make a step in the change?

-note to self -

there's always misconception

2011-01-24T18:34:00.007+08:00

*during D&t* when i was mentally fucked up. seated next to my 'SAYANG' , abu ! ahahahahhaa

we have the awesome boring joke during dnt . DUH!

Look above * mat skudai * <3>

i can closed my heart and my mind. but there thing trigger me for not loosing this opportunity. and i swear, this wont be happening that often. the reason why we are able to meet, because he came back from poly. and we both missed each other. or it was just me? but i told him to meet on tuesday, but he insisted today. monday, 24 January 2011. when will be our next meet up?

ily.

Monday Blues? or Monday Rules? which one is yours? this monday, today was not just an ordinary day. Not like those, i got scolding and nagging from teachers or closed friends. It was more like a 'shocking' new to myself, and of course to some too.

Yesterday Night , received a text msg from Zan, and i was in a mist of quarrelling or just smsing a group of closed friend. And i was so delighted , awe and surprise to see his number appearing in my inbox. Like i said, this never happen before. Haha! I didnt save his number, and i was fcking shock ! i re-read his number, comfirming that it must be him. not anyone else, or any prank. it was him. it is him. It was a different topic. He was kinda Blues regarding things im not sure of. Coz, that moment, i have too much people texting me regarding all sort of things. :/

Today morning. Was feeling like just the same as before. But i start to text Zan when assembly seem a bore for me. And i what make me really stunned, is when he replied all my text on the spot. I didnt know he wasnt schooling, until he said he was at Poly. I was kinda lost that moment, as i was juggling many msgs too :( & it was my first time since my Hp was flooded by his unsaved number.

I just told him that i missed him. And yes, i dont know how. Some how, he planned to meet today. but i was very reluctant. Very. But then i realise, this wasn't any opportunity to be missed. In fact, i have to send my mum from check up too. You see, i have to juggle many issue :/

Zoom to AMK, right after school. I was drenched in the rain. I caught a cold. And the chill went down my spin. Allong the way to Amk, i read my fav book 'never let me go' with a background music of 'already gone' which was played back to back. And i have my silent prayer, that Zan wont be lying this time. I was hoping. He did call me, saying his Hp batt was low, and he ask me to estimate what time he would be coming.

As soon as i reach, i look at the bus board shit. He did say about bus 169. And is like one end to another. I was thinking, asking myself , how long should i wait for him. :/. I seated some where, and just about to open my story book, my eye caught a glimpse of someone standing right infront of me. I look up, i was very stunned. Zan asked me '' what with the shock face'' X) i dont even know...

Walk to library. And yes, was soo boring in the library. There no homework to be done. there nothing to do. i end up sighing all the time. and i took my step away/. i went to the second level, and stuff my eyeball with a malay novel. love novel. ;) Around 4, took our step away. And yes, Zan send me home.

Took 22 . Then stop at Serangoon. Drop at Hougang. took 113 home =) Allong the way, yes i was kinda trying to tell him something in a indirect way. Peace *=)* And i didnt stop at my house bustop, but one stop before it. Walk walk walk, till i feel soo tired. *TOOOOOOOT* as someone own me. when he said it was a joke? heh. -.-'

"friendship hug./_" he said. And we took our steps away. Mum was having her menopause symptom, she look down at the balcony. I taught she could caught the sight of Zan, but thank god. she just said '' kau pergi mane? dgn jantan eh?" and i just walk away. she never go check up, this what happen. haiyyooohh!

my imperfect january

2011-01-23T19:00:00.006+08:00

January 2011 .

Is been a good start somehow. I did have the old feeling of hatred and 'watever' but its time to just dumb it aside. Other then that, i have a pretty good no. of new friends who are willing to be there to support me tru out the whole day in school. I wont write the names, coz i might forget to right some .

Thank you for those who never fail to give me msg to continue with a full confident ahead. And fck those who are so noisy in class, and thinking they are the big fcker in the class. __ for you okay :) . & honestly speaking, im not ready for any kind of open or serious relationship right now :/ . And all i know, is i better used my time wisely. there nothing to loose around this age.

Nothing to regret in future years ahead.

Tuition- " im here to give you the confidence ". Sunday classes " Im here, to make the inner beauty out by using the religious terms " :/ . Many people been asking , what am i going to be when im big ? Well, simple answer. " someone, who is able to make a different in a single soul. Afterall, the women place is the house . I want to get married. i want to nuture my own blood " HAHA. sound to early? this is what u call end in mind.

I told mum, all my love incident since the begining of the year. Yes, there are time she angry but some of it, she was joking with me. Because, she knew, i nolonger a foolish girl !But yet, Im still in delima. I dont want to fall in love, but i have to give chances to other people?!

I dont care, and i dont need to know.what is there to be so imperative about this issue.

Im not even awe to know someone likes me in silence. infact, it been disturbing me. Because, i have to notice their feeling to. cause, i hate to hurt people's feeling. gosh.

tell you what.

is hard ,being

2011-01-22T09:56:00.002+08:00

The reason why i no longer trust, no longer believe is because,

i had enough of it.

No point trying to prove to me, coz you will be the same.

Im sorry. seriously.

To be in any relationship right now is a serious issue.

I mean, come on . I have the biggest examination truout my years.

Im not only going it once, but twice .

I have no time.

is sad, that whenever i say

" meet up soon '' but i have no idea when will it be.

im super sorrry to does, who missed me .

eg- iskandar,Daniel,and some more. .

'' im sorry k. Kakak truly sorry. really . u study hard okay !"

the guilt is boiling me up. But i have to take my stand afterall.

Is my future. I cant let it slip away.

I cant deny, that i miss you people.

but come to education wise, i dont think im able to abandone it .

Even the chingay practice, the PUB meeting . I didnt attent.

i took my step away.

this year, is no longer a honeymoon year.

no longer.

2011-01-22T09:47:00.001+08:00

Many thing been happening to my life. And im still confused and lost, because my first priority is m studies. Followed by my cca :)

I try to summaries what i rmbr, what people been talking to me

Abu '' Adilah talks never with a fullstop. The only time she will never talk that much, when she is soo stress up and when she having a headache. I know here since sec 1, and we been in the same class till now ''. How touching can that be :')

I receive 2 chocolate in this week. One from Naufal and Asyraf =) thank you !!!! love you people allots =)

Alright, actlly that all. I have more to tell, but nevermine..

GOODBYE~

2011-01-17T22:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i wonder, what it like to be you.

ignoring those who care for you soo much .

I never want to understand ur principal of life,

coz im hating the way you treat people.

Life been such a horrible journey to start with.

Full of crap. No, full with thing to be done.

Weekday fill with extra classes.

Weekend, tuition, sunday clases , Quran classes too -.-

* FAINT *

plus band 4 time a week.

Not putting any blame on any part of it.

is just that, i dont have time to reflect.

& right now, im all worn out.

time to jump to bed!

toodle!

I thank God for sending you :)

2011-01-15T18:21:00.002+08:00

I was blessed with a GOOD tuition teacher !!!! AHAHHAHAH XD first up, suppose to reach my house at 1.30 pm, but he reach at 1 pm. Is like i just reach home from band 15 ago . Didnt have the chance to get a rest =(

So , my hair was wet, i place a towel at mmy head. And yes, while he was teaching, the towel keep falling down and cover my face. So i tot , he could really see my facial expression, coz most of the time my head was kept low. BUt lil did i know, when i just look up, using my eye ball, there you go, he looking right into my eye -.-

So far, understand only abit. there more to come. More of him asking " paham tk? " OMG -.-

-/ missed him so freaking bad. :( Come on D, forget it k lil girl!

i dont know . stop making me confused

2011-01-14T22:59:00.000+08:00

I already have my stand. Please stop trying to change my mind. This is the end of it. I mean, i shall not keep changing my way of life just for you. Coz it all MAYBE you will do that. Maybe that will never be happened. no wonder is maybe!

I already trying not to be too hopefull. Yet, you tried to be so convincing. you know, is like im ignoring something i been hoping for ? OMFG! change please. Please keep your words real!~

Thank to fella birdy, for listening to my stories , mostly all shits and saddnes in the mid-night . :( FREEELLLAAADREELLA =) heh! thanks!

wont be updating all the time. BYE!

2011-01-12T23:04:00.001+08:00

You talk about him without thinking about my feelings. You talk as if yu didnt do any mistake. Im very dissapointed . like seriously. Trying to act cool, coz this problem is all because of plain jealousy? is not even jealousy.

Every girl in the world, know the girl rules. fml!

2011-01-10T22:38:00.000+08:00

meet ? Im sorry, im busy. This time im serious..

close those tears

2011-01-09T11:31:00.001+08:00

those happy smile, those roar laughter .

was the medicine for all the problem i faced.

only 2011 and there a number of problem i have to handle.

After all, im just being a person who have a responsibility in many areas.

And many may not appreciate it, but as long i see they are happy, is find for me.

I dont know where i stand.

But i know, what im going to get later in the end.

count on me, like 1 2 3

2011-01-08T22:57:00.001+08:00

Thing been rather hectic for me . I dont even have time to catch a breath. And I dont know, if i could manage what in-store for me .

Add some love, courage and confident will be find!